Adam Bowcutt
7 min readDec 23, 2019


Why did I write a [this] book?

CONFIDE: The New Psychology of Confidence.

How to Power Up after Experiencing Depression

This book is dedicated to and in loving memory of the following beautiful human beings:


Colin Dalziel

Christopher Butcher

Rest In Peace

Almost one million humans take their lives each year in this world. That’s one beautiful human every forty seconds. This is the reality. This is tragic. It is preventable

Why did I write this book? I almost ended my life. I’m so glad I didn’t because my beautiful son, Zachary now has a mentally healthy and confident father to love him, and for him to love. It could have ended in tragedy. A son without a father? A family without their son? Sister’s without their brother? Friends without their friend?

Almost one million humans take their lives each year in this world. That’s one beautiful human every forty seconds. This is the reality. This is tragic. It is preventable. I will now share with you my story and ‘How to Power Up after Experiencing Depression’. How I went from zero confidence to rock-solid mental health.

‘The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others’.-Gandhi

It is now my life mission to help save 500,000 lives from suicide, one life at a time. I wrote this book because change starts with us. It starts with you. It starts with me, myself, and I.

Let’s start, shall we?

“What happened, mate?”

I went through four episodes of serious clinical depression. I was hospitalised – once in my twenties, another time in my mid to late twenties, a third time in my late thirties, and most recently, a couple of years ago. One year is the time it took for me to regain ‘normality’ This time was different. One year of time – time you don’t get back. Time is limited, and time is the most important asset we don’t own. Time is massively valuable, so each time, I had to rebuild myself. I had to rebuild my confidence, my health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and my life. How did I regain balance? I was disconnected. My son, Zachary, was around two years old at the time. Looking back, I now realise I was depressed for about two years prior.

The most important event to happen in my life was my son being born on 30 June 2014. It was indescribable. I wrote a poem about it, and you can find it in Kimberley Chakona’s book, Poetry to the People. You’ll soon read the excerpt in this book. I’ve also written the original raw version for you to read. No filters.

After my last bout of serious clinical depression, I was admitted to the psychiatric ward of the local hospital. My mental health and confidence was at an all-time low. Level zero. I exercised regularly in hospital. Physically, I felt healthy. But, mentally, I was not. After being discharged from hospital it was only a matter of weeks before I was readmitted. two steps forward and three steps back. It was frustrating and disappointing. As human beings, we need a balance of physical and mental health. In my opinion, mental health is more important than physical health. Your mental health and mindset affect almost everything in your life. They are connected to your physical health too.

So I want to show you how I rebuilt myself. I had no confidence. You’ll learn how I rebuilt my self myself. I rebuilt my mental health into a rock-solid foundation. I went on a journey to piece together and mould a super-strong and stable base of mental health.

After experiencing depression, I had almost zero confidence. Now to this day, my confidence, mental health, and mindset are as strong as they have ever been, and they are getting stronger every single day. What you do daily is critical. What you do every single day, every single morning, creates your reality, your personal reality, your personality, and your life.

I will never, never, never give up on my mission to save 500,000 lives from suicide.

I am enthusiastically sharing with you my mission to help save 500,000 lives from suicide, one life at a time. Today, I am 40 years of age, and I am going to live to 100. You just watch me! This means I have 60 years of purposeful work to complete this life mission. I will never, never, never give up on my mission to save 500,000 lives from suicide. Victory against suicide will happen one life at a time. Please continue to read this book. I hope you have fun with it. I hope you enjoy reading it. I’m certain you’ll learn from it.

This book is broken down into three categories for most chapters. 1 CHOOSE 2 AWARENESS 3 NOW How to use this book: Each chapter has a power-up number, 9 is the strongest 1C + 2A + 3N = POWER

This book will help you, the beautiful humans you love, friends, neighbours, strangers, anyone in the wider community, and any human being power up after experiencing depression. It will help rebuild a rock-solid foundation of super-strong mental health. Once we all have a solid foundation of mental health and mindset, it is highly likely humans won’t get to the stage of wanting to or feeling as if they need to end their own lives. If someone ends their life, they have decided to murder themselves. How bad does it have to be? How bad is your life and how you feel and think about it, to get to the stage where you want to take action and kill yourself?

In my personal experience, I almost killed myself. My mental health was so weak, so broken; my mind was so ill and filled with sickness and disorder – dirt. My emotions, use of logic, and mental health were not functioning healthily. It was so unhealthy and rotten that I got to the stage where I googled ‘how to kill yourself’.

I got some rope. After learning how to tie a noose, I walked steadily down the steps to my garage. I calmly made a noose and tied it to the top of the horizontal bar and frame of the electric garage door. I got a red bucket and turned it upside down for me to stand on. I placed the noose around my neck and tightened it. I stood on the red bucket, and I was going to do it. At this point, I was not thinking about anyone else. It was just me, pure ego – me, myself, and I. I thought, How can this problem be solved? How can I end this constant suffering, and how can I end my life? It was almost an obsession, a fascination, a fixation. Right, I’m doing it. I am almost there. I tightened the noose to the extent where it almost couldn’t be made loose again.

This is a poem I wrote that attempts to explain my experience of despair. Progressing to mental repair.

– — – — – To Die Today? – — – — –

My frown reflects like deep emptiness mocking me from another dimension.

Stained sparingly with splatters of escaped toothpaste, the bathroom mirror reveals a broken spirit.

Who is that sorry excuse of a man staring back from the stained glass?

“You useless piece of shit” a voice declared with venom.

“Kill yourself” the voice said hissing like an angry snake.

This will be another long night. Now, awake from disjointed slumber.

What’s today? Just another number.

Days meaningless and nights drawn-out.

What’s the point of life poisoned with doubt?

Fear hits my body like a bolt of lightning. To die today?

Shallow breath and pounding heart. Will I ever see the light?

With noose held tight I walk downstairs. I’ve lost the fight. I’m in despair.

Now in the garage. Around my neck, I tighten the rope. Is it over yet?

There is no hope. Stood upon the red bucket turned on its head.

Ready to drop I just can’t cope. “If you fail what then?”

A broken mind and shattered body? A human shell with a stale soul?

Good night, lights out. Tomorrow comes, so what now?

“Do you want to join me on a journey?” An Angel pleads.

What’s the worst that can happen I mused because yesterday was severe.

“Yes” I gently replied. The Angel nodded knowingly.

We drove to Sydney on a chariot searching for hope.

An environment of new state freshened my mind.

Time well spent with loved ones truly nourishing. Mind quenched by life’s water at source.

Now, it’s time to flow and let the past go.


– — – — – —

I have a question for you.

Are you okay?

Are you really okay?

The problem is, men usually don’t ask for help when they’re not okay, and this is very dangerous. Why is asking for help important? Specifically a man asking for help when they’re not okay. Number one, it saves lives. You can save a life, be it your life or the life of another human being. Number two, it helps build confidence. Number three, you realise that leadership is a choice. A powerful foundation of confidence can be created by building valuable leadership skills with a focus on leadership without title.

Thank you for your valuable time,


Adam Bowcutt

#CONIDEbook now available at most online retailers



Adam Bowcutt

Mental Health Author | I am Adam Bowcutt and I am rewriting mental wealth